What's a Bilirubin?

Holy Crap, it was a long day.  We left at 8am and didn't get back home until 8:30pm.  I was exhausted and I did nothing but sit in a car and drive or sit in a waiting room and wait.  Weird?

Upon entering OSU, I felt welcomed.  Very open waiting room and I barely sat down before my "student" came to greet me.  OSU is a teaching hospital so each case is assigned a student.  They are on three week rotations so don't be surprised if you have a different student at your next visit. 

I was initially hopeful.  Our Dr. was optomistic and said they can do surgery on a pancreas (you don't need the whole thing to survive) and the different vital ducts can be rerouted.  His plumbing would be changed if needed, all things I wanted to hear. 

So, I left Rumble there to get x-rays of his chest, an ultrasound, a needle asperate (?) taken of the mass and analyzed and a urine collection taken directly through a needle into his bladder.  The whole bladder thing was checking for a rare, but prevalent in oklahoma more than people think, fungus that can be flushed out of a system with medicine.  I have never prayed for a fungus before but that's what I hoped was wrong.  How amazing would it be if the mass was just a swollen part of his organs due to a fungus that could be treated with medicine?  Probably too good to be true. 

His chest x-rays were clear.  Our Dr. said if they found cancer in his lungs then they would not proceed at all.  But, thankfully, his lungs were clear.  Our Dr. said they look for the 3-L's:  Liver, Lymphnodes, and Lungs.  If the 3-L's are clear then they have a fighting chance and will continue with surgery. 

Turns out it's not the fungus we were all crossing our fingers for and it's not exactly a mass of any sort.  A mass would be easy to remove.  You can see a tumor and remove a tumor fairly easy.  Instead, Rumble is diseased with rare, clumpy cancer.  They have to remove the diseased part of his stomach and reroute ducts and even then she's not hopeful because you can't see this weird cancer, meaning it could be in other parts and they wouldn't even know it. 

Currently, his bile and stuff is backing up into his stomach and not draining, because the stomach walls are inflammed and it can't drain, so his liver is working over time and having trouble. His bilirubins are already sky high.  A normal bilirubin count is between 0.1 and 0.4 and Rumble's was 3.4 (always the over achiever).   We are to watch for more jaundice over the weekend. 

They will remove and do what they can but our new vet said this is not a fix and she doesn't think he will return to normal.  She will call tomorrow when she schedules the appointment with the surgical team for monday and tell me what time to bring him back.  So, I'll be going back to OSU monday morning. 

To Fight or Not to Fight?

Treating his symptoms and letting him go was NOT an option for us.  Rumble was barely 10 and so healthy and such a fighter that I felt like I owed him the chance to become one of the 5 out of a 100 and win his battle. 

So, do we let our local vet open him and explore?  If the carcinoma turned out to be anywhere but between the pancreas and the stomach, then our vet would try to remove it.  If it did turn out to be in that bad spot, then he would take a sample and close Rumble up and send him on to a specialist. 

As it turns out, when you have tough decisions to make like this, no one can help you decide what to do, no matter how many times you ask them.  I wanted someone to just shoulder the responsability for a little while and tell me what to do.  I got pretty much the same answer from everyone, spend some quiet time alone with Rumble and together we would make the right decision.  Sucks, but I guess that's the right answer.  Get quiet...go inside...ask...and listen. 

Rumble told Naomi, "I would just as soon go to OSU because I know my mom won't be happy unless everything possible is done.  Follow my instincts and heart."  Words of wisdom.  I wish I had listened to my instincts and heart back in January. 

We decided to skip our local vet and head straight to the specialist.  We brought Rumble to the Small Animal Hospital up at Oklahoma State University located in Stillwater, OK.  I didn't want Rumble to be opened twice and I didn't want to pay for two operations so we decided to go ahead and take Rumble to OSU, even though we were avid OU fans!  Our first appointment was Friday, April 1st.

Other Healing

I firmly believe in the power of prayer so at this point, I enlisted the help of my friends, family, animal communication specialists, and healing groups.  I truly believe that no cat has ever had so many prayers or healing energy sent on their behalf as my cat Rumble did. 

First, I said my own prayers, as I had done from day one.  My husband and I prayed for Rumble every time we came together in prayer:  before meals, after soccer games, before bedtime, at church.  Anytime I had a quiet moment throughout my day, I said a prayer for Rumble.  I was thankful for him being in my life, thankful for his health thus far, and I asked God to place his healing hands on Rumble to help him through this ordeal.  I also asked for knowledge for all the doctors involved that they would have the skills to proceed successfully and the compassion to care for Rumble as much as I loved him.  I've seen miracles; I know God uses them.  I just hoped He saw me worthy enough to answer, "Yes". 

Second, I contacted my Animal Communicator, and friend, Naomi McDonald.  You can find information about Naomi at http://www.brendamcdonald.com/  and her blog at http://www.shamanswisdom.blogspot.com/  Naomi immediately responded, talked to Rumble, talked to me, and met with me the following Saturday to discuss what she read. 

Third, I got on my email and I let everyone I know that I needed help.  I emailed everyone in my animal communication classes from Naomi and one of them pointed me towards an online Distant Healing Network at http://www.the-dhn.com/  The DHN is an organization of many hundreds of complementary therapists. They are spread all across the world and volunteer to give their time freely, accepting requests for help to ease the suffering of all who ask.  Within an hour of submitting my request, I got a response.  Rumble had been assigned to a team with members across the globe so I know he would be covered in prayer, and healing energy, at all times throughout the day. 

Fourth, I needed some personal healing.  A HUGE part of my life (apart from Rumble) was coming to an end and I needed a new focus.  As I look back on it, this organization that I was involved in ended precisely when Rumble got sick, otherwise I would have broken down.  If I had to keep up my obligations with this group AND focus on Rumble, I simply wouldn't have made it.  Both my friends and family all said they would pray for Rumble and me and I didn't understand exactly why they thought I needed it until later. 

I'm thankful for all the prayers and healing energy that I received both from my friends and family.

He sees "something"

So I take Rumble to another vet here in the city who is going to perform the Ultrasound.  I drop him off because the vet is busy and has squeezed us into his schedule for the day.  They inform me that Rumble will come back with a shaved belly and that unless Rumble cooperates, he will have to be given anesthesia to help him calm down. 

I come back hours later and the vet sits me down in the waiting room, not a private room, which irritated me.  Yes, the waiting room was empty, but I would rather have not cried infront of the receptionist, news like this should have been delivered in a small private room, just me, the vet, and Rumble. 

Turns out that Rumble has a mass between his pancreas, duadenum, and stomach.  The vet can't exactly tell where it is but he knows that all three organs are affected.  There, in the middle of the waiting room, I learn that my heartbeat on four legs has an incurable cancer with a 95% rate of death within weeks after diagnosis. 

Through my sobs, I ask the vet what our next step is.  He said I had three options: 

1. Treat his symptoms and let him go.
2. Have our vet go in for exploratory surgery and assess the damage.  If it’s pancreas or duodenal, close him up and take him home and treat the symptoms, if it’s anywhere else our vet would try to take it out if he can. 
3. Go to surgical specialists and let them open him up and try to take it out even if it is in the pancreas or duodenal. 

No decision needed to be made right there so I took Rumble home.  I wasn't exactly able to hold much back in the waiting room when he told me, but I REALLY let it all out in the parking lot in the car.  I said a prayer, composed myself well enough to drive, and took Rumble home. 

I wanted to include the Ultrasound and X-ray pictures because I think stuff like this is really neat.  I can't tell you what exactly is in each picture, or where the mass is, but here they are anyways. 

What it's NOT

Rumble continued to lose weight and after Spring Break I decided to take him back in.  From January to March, Rumble went from 11.6 pounds to 8.8 pounds.  That is a HUGE weight loss for a cat.  His fur was no longer black and rich.  When he moved you could see his skin underneath in some areas.  His bones were starting to stick out and it feels really weird to pet him and feel everything. 

His temp was 104 degrees, which is high for a cat.  According to our vet, his chest was clear and his abdominal palp showed no pain and no masses.  His blood/serum work did return a high globin count which our vet said, "he is in a fight against something; either a virus or leukemia."  Our vet wanted to rule out some infections so he took Rumble's blood and tested it for several things:  FeLV (feline leukemia virus) was negative, FIV (feline immunodeficiency virus) was negative, and FIP (feline infectious peritonitis, which had to be shipped off to be tested) was also negative.  We also know that it is not worms, liver/kidney failure, or hyperthyroidism.  Our vet also noted that his back was sensitive so he gave him a steroid shot.  So we ruled out a few things that it was NOT but we still don't know what it is. 

Our next step was to take a look at his abdomen using an ultrasound.  Our vet said he could do the ultrasound but if he found anything, he would send us to someone for a further look so we decided to skip the cost of our vet doing the ultrasound and just go straight to the next guy to begin with.

I should have pushed harder for more tests back in January; I should have listened to myself more closely.